


MEADOW

by P5soleilnoir



Series: Goro Week 2019 [6]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Childhood, Fluff, Gen, Goro Week 2019, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mother-Son Relationship, Succession Universe, Time Loop, p5soleilnoir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 10:50:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20813915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P5soleilnoir/pseuds/P5soleilnoir
Summary: Living a brand new life with the memories of his past one intact can come with its fair share of burdens. Even if Goro truly feels fulfilled and happy, the flashes of misery and despair are never too far, always ready to strike when he last expects it – and it isn't long before he finds himself succumbing to his dread.There's one difference with back then, however. This time, he isn't alone. This time, she is there.





	MEADOW

**Author's Note:**

> Continuing with Day 6 of Goro Week, the prompts of which being Childhood, Family, and Death! First of all, I'd like to give a disclaimer right off the bat: this one-shot is set in the same universe as [Succession](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8665855/chapters/19866451), which means someone who hasn't read it beforehand will be completely confused and lost by whatever is going on in this one-shot, not to mention very badly spoiled. Because of those two reasons, I strongly advise anyone interested in reading this one-shot to check out Succession first, but if you just wish to enjoy some very pure, very wholesome fluff between Goro and his mother, then I hope you'll like this all the same! I've had this idea to write spin-off stories to Succession for years now, depicting Goro's new life with his mother, and Goro Week gave me the perfect excuse to tackle one of those ideas that lingered in my head all this time! Maybe I'll write more of those ideas later, but for now, here's the first of them.

The first thing Akechi Goro thought when his mind tipped into consciousness was that he woke up from a wonderful dream.  
  
It had been about a beautiful land, or so he believed – where the grass was lush and green, the sky a cloudless shade of blue, the air pure and cleansing. He could picture it all in vivid detail, the tiny daisies spotting the endless green like specks of white paint, each blade of grass swaying gently in unison, even the sound of them crunching underneath his footsteps.  
  
But what he remembered best, what he reenacted with the most frightening accuracy, was the refreshing breeze carrying the scents of late spring as it brushed past his face, alongside the distant chirping of birds lulling him to tranquility and indulging his senses. Both sensation and sound seemed almost alive against his skin and ears, making him yearn to simply go back to sleep… and keep dreaming all day long…  
  
As the gentle breeze rose to caress his face once more and the singing of birds echoed louder, Goro groggily opened his eyes.  
  
He blinked once, then twice, attempting to shake off the remaining cobwebs of sleep still cluttering his fuzzy mind. His eyes, hardly more than thin slits, slowly but surely fluttered wider, until their big irises captured the picture of a naked ceiling to its full extent. Goro stared through a blank gaze, his equally vacant brain only managing to register the faint trace of confusion at the absolute peace of mind he felt in that moment. More than serenity, it was actually some sort of uncomplicated bliss that seemed to permeate his every last cell, the cause of which eluding him even as he kept searching for it through each recess of his core. But try as he might, he couldn’t quite place it.  
  
He couldn’t figure out why his mind felt so at peace. Couldn’t remember what happened to make him feel that way.  
  
He supposed it might have been because of his dream. It _had_ felt very nice, after all – almost like some deadly venom deep within had been purified. Like whatever stains sticking to his skin were finally cleansed away, melting in the comforting sunlight that had held him in its embrace at length.  
  
Exactly like the real sun was doing right now, shining a soft and warm glow upon his face.  
  
Finding his body entirely unresponsive, as though made of lead, prevented him from shifting even a bit. Only his head more or less managed to obey his command, allowing him to glance upward to his left, his gaze meeting a window from which light descended into streams. He contemplated the sunbeams for a long moment, his mind finally stirring from its own slumber and getting each gear to grind into action.  
  
He had already seen that window before.  
  
Slowly, laboriously, he dragged his body into a sitting position, his curious eyes sweeping his surroundings all the while. Before him lay the picture of a tiny bedroom, not very furnished, but not completely bare either: a shelf, a small cupboard in the corner, and a few toys scattered here and there. Comfortable though it was, the bed he woke up in was also very narrow and short. Even so, it surprisingly didn’t feel too small for his frame, not even remotely. Goro arched an eyebrow, but before he could wonder as to why that was…  
  
…somebody knocked on the door.  
  
“Are you awake, Goro?”  
  
Heart giving a huge bound, Goro straightened up and froze, looking very much like a deer caught in the headlights. He couldn’t tear his eyes off the door frame even if he wanted to, like he was held into place by a superior force. Then, the door opened, as slowly as his heart raced inside his chest… and very round eyes met smiling ones, worlds apart in the emotions they conveyed, mirrors of each other in their strikingly similar maroon shade.

“Mother…?—Ah!”

As her smile widened, Goro startled, already caught off-guard by her appearance, taken even more aback by the high-pitched squeak that left his throat by way of a questioning call. Instinctively, he let his gaze fall, finally taking a good look at his hands. They were small, very small… way too small for an eighteen-year-old—  
  
“I understand your confusion,” she – his mother, S, _Sophia – _said kindly, sitting on the edge of his bed and giving him a tender look. “Finding yourself in the body of a four-year-old overnight isn’t the easiest thing to wrap your mind around, is it.”  
  
“Four-year-old…?” he echoed in what was little more than a feeble meow. His eyes contemplated his hands again, before he extended one to feel his face – it felt _different. _“So that means…”  
  
“That’s right. The current year is 2003.”  
  
She edged closer, her gaze twinkling as she reached out to graze his cheek – Goro jolted and froze up, but she only responded with a saintly smile. There was something reassuring about it, encouraging him to eventually relax into her touch and focus plainly on the enjoyment it granted him; the warmth radiating off her hand was comforting and soft, almost akin to a healing spell.  
  
“We’re back… My little hero.”  
  
…And this is how Goro and his mother spent the first instants of their new future. The difference with his past life was like night and day – because she was here, of course, but not only that. Starting his entire childhood over while keeping the memories of his previous one intact came with its share of unexpected surprises. His mother had a lot of trouble explaining Goro’s phenomenal abilities at school, for one, to the point that the teachers he came across all agreed he was nothing short of an undiagnosed genius.  
  
_“Really, Akechi-san, I’ve never seen anything like that before—the way Goro-kun expresses himself and behaves is closer to a young adult than a tiny child. He acts and sounds extremely mature even compared to high school students, much less his peers—”_  
  
But the biggest change in Goro’s life, the most precious one in fact, had nothing to do with the endless praise his teachers showered him with. Even the murmurs of approbation from the adults he met and the constant interest and attention he provoked were small-time compared to the tender smiles his mother greeted him with every morning, the homemade meals she cooked for him each day, the time they spent together watching Featherman all evening – no matter how embarrassed he was for enjoying the show, let alone looking forward to it. It was destined to kids, after all.  
  
…Then again, he was back to being one, too. And besides…  
  
“You’re being silly, Goro. There is nothing wrong with finally enjoying the childhood you never got to live.”  
  
But more importantly, more amazingly, she gave him what he had craved for an entire lifetime, reducing him to a flustered and blushy mess during each occurrence until the moment where he would finally relish the moment and close his eyes, indulging in her affection like a starving animal finally finding solace. With each pet name, his awkwardness grew dimmer; with each embrace, his embarrassment relented faster. The constant crimson mottling his face soon gave way to subdued rosy cheeks, radiating soft heat with every single act of affection she reserved for him. She was always careful not to overwhelm him too much, because she knew how difficult it was for him to handle true affection, what with him never experiencing it before. This is why she accompanied him through this journey, hand in hand, standing by his side where he had previously always been alone – starting with loving him and teaching him how to love in return, one step at a time.  
  
But what she didn’t know, of course, was that no matter how sheepish he could get when they happened, he cherished every single gesture of her affection all the same.  
  
It was like a dream come true, a miracle he still had trouble believing was really unfolding before his eyes; something he thought he would never be able to comprehend or experience, but here he was. Each night, he fell asleep with a smile on his face. Each night, he saw this wonderful day – the day he found himself in this gorgeous meadow, the day Sophia revealed the entire truth he had desperately sought… the day he was reunited with his mother.  
  
This cycle went on and on days after days, just like this particular night where his mind once again wallowed through the heavenly meadow while his body was asleep. His happiness was unrestrained, remaining in the form of a smile even as he woke up and wasted no time in swinging his legs off his tiny bed, stomach rumbling all the while. But when he trotted to the living room for breakfast, his smile faded away nearly at once.  
  
“Mother…?”  
  
There was no response. A poignant chill immediately seized Goro’s heart, spreading through the rest of his body like icy water, and he flung himself at the door to his mother’s room, shoving it open with all the strength of his little arms, only to find his worst fear confirmed.

On the ceiling hung a lifeless object. The lifeless object that had once been his mother.

He wasn’t sure whether it was the cry of despair he let out in his dream or the one in reality that woke him up. Either way, he jolted upright, every last inch of his skin drenched in cold sweat, panting like he had ran forever and then some. The tears rolling down his eyes were there but he wasn’t crying, not this time – they existed only because of the shock. It was child’s play to recover from a nightmare, for the human mind always hastened to understand they were just that, bad dreams. Mundane and harmless, easy to dismiss once one remembered they weren’t real. But Goro couldn’t steady his frantic heartbeat no matter what.  
  
Because this nightmare, this nightmare of being left behind and alone forever, of losing the most important person in his life, had been his reality once.  
  
Gripping his pillow tight against himself, Goro got out of bed and gingerly sneaked into the corridor, the tapping of his footsteps barely audible against the parquet. He stopped in front of his mother’s room, gaze downcast as he hesitated greatly – it was the middle of the night, she was probably sound asleep and he didn’t want to disturb her, not to mention for such an embarrassing reason. Yet, something in him didn’t find the will to retrace his steps into his bed… but he didn’t dare knock either.  
  
“Goro? Are you there?”  
  
Goro’s heart leapt, and he immediately lifted his eyes. Behind the door, his mother’s muffled voice rang out again. “Come in, sweetheart.”  
  
Trying without success to repress the obligatory flush that entailed each time she called him in an affectionate way, he paused for the space of an instant before hesitantly opening the door and taking one step forward. With how big his pillow was in his arms, he had to crane his neck aside to see his mother lying down in her futon, the dim light of the small lamp she had switched on bright enough still to highlight her smile. But kind as it was, he merely stood in the doorframe, glad he could hide his awkward blush behind his pillow.  
  
“Can't sleep?” she asked, her smile showing through her voice. “Or did you perhaps have a nightmare?”  
  
Goro couldn't help a blink. He lifted very big, very round eyes at her, making him look strikingly similar to a tiny kitten. “How… did you—”   
  
“Because you are my child,” she responded, her eyes bright. “Come lie down.”   
  
Goro stared at her for a moment. Then, as her encouragement finally won over, he edged closer and slipped into the futon beside his mother, immediately feeling her hand upon his cheek as she gazed at him like he was the most precious thing she ever laid her eyes on. He hesitated, then brusquely nestled against her, half because of an urge to feel her physical contact, half because he desperately wanted to conceal the burning embarrassment flushing his face before she could notice it.  
  
…But of course, as he had come to know and would keep experiencing day after day, there was no slipping by her extraordinary, almost godlike omniscience. Because she was his mother.  
  
“Everything's all right now,” she soothed, her hand traveling from his cheek to his head and burying itself into his hair. “Do you want to talk about your nightmare?”  
  
The little mop of hair she could see didn’t respond. Goro wasn’t sure how to answer.  
  
“Was it about something you believe I can guess?” she insisted gently, her kind smile speaking loud and clear through her tone. Her perception, so precise, so accurate, made Goro finally look up at her, eyes wide and lips tightly shut. He was all too aware that she knew, she knew exactly what he saw in his dream, and she understood his most inner feelings better than anyone else in the world ever could. The sadness that had bled into her smile could attest to that.  
  
They didn’t speak anymore afterwards. Feeling her hand caress his hair was his solace, slowly lulling him to sleep, and Goro soon succumbed to a peaceful dark world free from nightmares, only warmth.  
  
Comforted as he felt in his mother’s embrace and reassured by her constant, gentle affection, something in that initial nightmare seemed to have severely breached the already fragile floodgates holding his psyche together. The next instance of said incident happened only a few days later, during lunchtime.  
  
“Food’s ready!” came the cue from the living room, prompting Goro to immediately come trotting – his mother’s meals were always nothing short of feasts. “Quick, before it gets cold.”  
  
Not needing to be told twice, Goro approached, eyes filled with stars of awe. Before he knew it, his mouth was already watering at the wonderful smell of homemade ginger pork and fried rice—  
  
_this was his punishment for misbehaving and the headmaster said he’d better be grateful to have that slice of bread for lunch, but he was starving, so hungry the rumbles shaking his stomach felt painful_  
  
“Goro?!”  
  
He could hear the sound of something metal hitting parquet and rushing footsteps scuttling closer, but making sense of them was currently beyond his capacity to reason. He had collapsed onto his knees, hugging himself and yet, the violent shivers taking possession of his frame wouldn’t stop. He was alone, entirely alone, his mother was gone and he would never see her again, never taste the happiness of a warm meal made only for him even when she was very tired, never relish in the comfort of her embrace even when she was getting weaker, never—  
  
As a sudden presence wrapped all around him like a healing spell, Goro’s thoughts instantaneously melted away. Chest heaving, he could see nothing through his wide, unfocused eyes; his chin, resting on something he would come to recognize as his mother’s shoulder, kept trembling with each silent gasp that crossed his lips.  
  
“I’m here,” pierced a voice through the brain fog, sounding clearer as it echoed again. “I’m here. I’m right here, Goro.”  
  
“M-Mother…?” he called, or begged, or pleaded – the constriction upon him tightened in response. Only then did he register the sensation of something rubbing soothing circles onto his back, the gesture slowly but surely chasing the trance away and letting comfort take its place. “You’re… not gone…?”  
  
“I’m not. I’m here,” she assured once more, her free hand cupping the back of his head closer to herself. “I’m right here with you.”  
  
Goro’s harsh, erratic breathing was the sole source of sound in that moment. They remained in this position for what felt like ages, right there on the floor of the living room, the frozen picture of a woman cradling what she held dearest in the world.  
  
The purity of a mother loving her precious child.  
  
At last, Goro’s shivers slowed, then ceased. He released a long, deep sigh, marking the end of his irregular gasps and the beginning of a steady, very quiet breathing. His mother’s embrace felt warm… so comfortable…  
  
She didn’t release him even as he closed his eyes and drifted toward a tranquil slumber. It was only when she was certain he was sound asleep that she permitted her lip to quiver, before pulling back slightly and kissing his forehead as a way to apologize. She couldn’t know exactly what he saw but she could easily narrow it down – her mind flickered at a tremendous pace through decades of memories until it slowed upon the recollection of Goro’s former childhood, spent in complete despair and loneliness with not a single drop of affection thrown at him to relieve them somewhat. And this was all her fault.  
  
She was the one who ultimately ended up forsaking him. She was the one who condemned him to a lifetime of trauma and neglect. She was the one who caused those fears that still haunted him one new life later, and so she promised.  
  
“I won’t leave you alone ever again, Goro. I give you my word.”  
  
He didn’t respond. He was back to the beautiful meadow as his teenage self, marveling at the infinity of it all, only to blink confused eyes as he noticed his mother was right there, standing by his side and giving him the most beaming smile he had ever seen. As she reached out, he gripped her hand without hesitation, his mind registering nothing but true bliss at the contact. Bliss that translated into real life by a tiny Goro smiling a content smile, his little fingers tightening around his mother’s as she watched over him fondly from his bedside.  
  
  
  
  
About thirteen years had passed since that day. Life went on at its own pace, letting familiar and brand new patterns shine through as they unfolded. Those episodes where Goro saw flashes of his previous life, a childhood ruled over by the death of his mother, slowly but surely dimmed away, until they were completely gone. They had all served as many more steps toward their mutual closeness, but it would be wrong to say their bond never grew stronger after they stopped. Perhaps it was the unconditional love she had for him. Perhaps it was the absolute trust he had in her. Perhaps it was because of the secret they shared; a secret of such caliber that they felt almost alienated from the entire world, but they were fine with it. Because they had each other – and it was more than enough.   
  
“What is it, Mom?”  
  
She looked up, pulled from her thoughts as she caught a curious-looking Goro in the process of bringing a mouthful of grilled salmon to his lips. “You look really happy all of a sudden. Did something good happen this morning?”  
  
“No… Nothing in particular,” she replied, her eyes bright. “I was just reminiscing.”  
  
“About what?”  
  
“About one of my most precious memories,” she answered in a casual tone of voice. “More tea, sweetheart?”   
  
The scene was vivid like it happened yesterday. Goro had come home from school, though his usual enthusiasm as she greeted him that day had been nowhere to be seen. A very flustered, timid manner had stood in its place, making him look even younger than he had already been in that moment. He had stood in the entranceway before hesitantly stepping toward her, arms folded behind his back. Then, before she could voice her puzzlement, his hands sprang out of nowhere, holding a small but beautiful box wrapped in ribbon.  
  
_“U-Um… Today is your birthday, so…”_ he had explained, face radiating such intense heat it was practically palpable. She had blinked at him, caught entirely off-guard – until her eyes turned to crescents. Under the gaze of an increasingly flushing Goro, she had opened the box to reveal an elegant necklace, so pretty she hadn't been able to help exclamations of wonder.   
  
_“This… This is for y-you,”_ he had stammered, looking very much like he had been about to melt in embarrassment. _“Um… Thank you. Thank you for everything, M… M-Mom…”_  
  
Even back to the present moment, a smile made its way to her lips, the very same smile she had shown back then; possibly the warmest known to mankind. Her gaze traveled to Goro, who was now absently popping strawberries one after another into his mouth as he skimmed through a travel magazine. He seemed too engrossed by its contents to notice the change in her expression.   
  
_When you called me this for the first time… it made me very happy, Goro._  
  
“Oh, it's no use. It's only about the beach or mountain in there.”  
  
Sighing to himself, Goro closed the magazine and put it aside. His mother smiled.  
  
“Well, those are usually the most popular choices for vacation,” she replied, standing up and retrieving the dishes. “What would you like to see?”  
  
Goro didn't immediately answer. He propped his chin in the palm of his hand and gave himself time to think as he rolled out the possibilities inside his head.  
  
“How about a short trip to Honshu, right around the vicinity of Mount Fuji?” she prompted and, sensing his imminent answer, “We don't have to climb it. I heard there are gorgeous fields and lands of green grass all around, it'd be perfect for a picnic…”  
  
The next moment, Goro was bolting upward, coming to her faster than a rocket. His excitement, which he forgot to conceal, was so unrestrained, so overflowing, that he had never looked so much like his child self than in this very moment. “Wh-When can we go?”  
  
“Well, if it’s just for a couple of days, we may go as early as next week,” she responded, trying to quell down his overwhelming self. “Would that sound good?”  
  
The fervent way Goro nodded made the use of words unnecessary. In his head, he could already hear the singing of birds and sense the kind sunlight warm his face.  
  
Exactly like on that day, thirteen years ago. The day that changed his entire life.  
  
“Um…”  
  
She looked up at him. The energetic enthusiasm possessing him was gone as fast as it came. He was now a timid, smaller frame, akin to a vulnerable animal. A flush had risen to his cheeks, like it had done so many times in the past in her presence.  
  
“What is it, sweetheart?” she asked in encouragement, leaning closer to him. Goro’s gaze darted between her eyes and the floor at an incredible rate; his speech came out strained and flustered.  
  
“U-Um… Uh…” he mumbled, finally giving up on meeting her eyes and letting his own fix his feet. “I… Thank you, Mom. I… I… l-lo…”  
  
The final part ended on a whisper, so inaudible she had to prick up her ears. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t catch what you said.”  
  
Goro stiffened and then bit his lip, never looking so much like he would rather be anywhere but here than in that very moment. His head fell down, strands of hair hanging low to conceal his eyes but not his flush – and just when all signs pointed to him getting cold feet and flee—  
  
“…love you…”  
  
A long moment of silence went by, during which realization both dawned on the two of them gradually, though it manifested in very different ways – an increasingly radiant smile for her, and a skyrocketing fever for him. Then, just as she was about to respond, his awkwardness and embarrassment reached their boiling point at last, and he immediately broke into a mad dash toward his bedroom, most likely diving in bed under his covers. His mother remained there fixing his door, but she ultimately chose to give him time in the end no matter how loud her urge to hold him in her arms screamed otherwise. In the meantime, she made a mental note to remember today’s date – and add it to her collection of her most precious memories. And when he would be ready… she would be able to tell him.  
  
“I love you too… sweetheart.”  
  
The empty room had no answer for her, but that was fine. She already got something much more precious, after all.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> You might remember how Goro always refers to his mother as 'Mother' in Succession: I wanted to convey how distant and foreign he felt with the concept of familiarity and casualness among close relatives, hence the very formal 'Mother.' However, he refers to her as 'Mom' in the epilogue to illustrate his new upbringing in a loving home, and I really wanted to write a story that depicted this transition. The same goes with how Goro tells her he loves her for the first time: it's a big point in Succession's epilogue how growing up with his mother and live a happy life with her allowed her to teach him how to properly handle and return affection, unlike in canon where he is rather awkward around it and clueless overall about what true affection really is. This was the purpose of this fic, to fill those two gaps so to speak, and I'm happy I could finally write both concepts in this story! 
> 
> Take a look at [my Twitter account](https://twitter.com/p5soleilnoir) if you're interested in my fanfic updates, sneak peeks of future stories, chatting with me, or otherwise seeing 99% of Goro pictures and content!
> 
> [My profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/P5soleilnoir/profile) is regularly updated in accordance with my current and future projects, so feel free to check it out every now and then!


End file.
